hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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