I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
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and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
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Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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