if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize