I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize