when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize