The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
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I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
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This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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