i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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