I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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