So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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