we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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