update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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