but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize