everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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