I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
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Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
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We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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