why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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