"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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