Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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