see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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