Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize