She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
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We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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