I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize