What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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