Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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