i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize