he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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