I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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