im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We had to coat check the pizza.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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