so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize