so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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