Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
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When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
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I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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