Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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