when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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