TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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