i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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