dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize