now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
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So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
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And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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