My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
operation harelip BJ is a go
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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