Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
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Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
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She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
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