By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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