every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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