I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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