I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize