I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize