IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize