Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
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I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
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Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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