My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
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i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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