How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
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