he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
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Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
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I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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