shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
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i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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