shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize